You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
