OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
