when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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