Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
