I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This toilet bowl is my home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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