Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
