Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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