she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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