I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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