please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
