stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
