I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
