When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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