i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
