Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
