I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
