Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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