He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
