If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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