I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think I just sharted jello shots
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