You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she looked like the before picture.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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