Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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