All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
