Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
