I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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