i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
