I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
