fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
