The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Too much gin, very little bucket
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
