We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
