he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize