I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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