So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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