i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
