We're facebook friends in real life
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
