My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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