just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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