the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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