I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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