i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
