I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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