Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I sprained my soul last night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
