did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
