you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
