i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just high enough for therapy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
