My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
