One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
