i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
