Will you blow on my dice?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize