great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
