so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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