It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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