He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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