Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
