I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
