the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
