Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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