There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
