I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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