WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
