Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
