so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just want nice things and good sex
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
