were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
