Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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