You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
