haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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