Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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