Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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