My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
