THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
