I'm gonna have a badass scar
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
