yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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