There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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