i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
