haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
