just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
