I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
