please come you make the beer taste better
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
