He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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