just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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