If i come over, it means nothing
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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