We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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